Are They Really Out to Get Me?

Think the Best before you Assume the Worst

“Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by neglect, ignorance, or incompetence.”

— Hanlon’s Razor 

I love watching people. Listening to them too - especially when they’re talking about other people.

One area of particular fascination is the relationships between neighbours. Some become the best of friends. Others barely nod in the driveway. And some - well, let’s just say it veers dangerously close to all-out war.

In between those extremes, you’ll find all sorts of behaviour: long-held grudges over fence lines, imagined slights turned into dramas, lawn-mowing one-upmanship, the passive-aggressive “just so you know” notes, the slow dance of wheelie-bin positioning, and naming of home WiFi networks "Fred, quit with the leaf blower". It’s hilarious and sad in equal measure.

And here’s the thing: these neighbours are the same people who show up every day as employees, managers, CEOs, and business owners.

We like to think we leave all that baggage at home when we go to work. But we don’t. Because people are people, and we’re wired to act and react in patterned ways, often shaped more by how we feel in the moment than what’s actually going on.

One of those deeply ingrained patterns is that we tend to assume the worst before we consider the best:

• Someone doesn’t reply to a message? They’re ignoring us.
• A colleague leaves us off a meeting invite? They’re shutting us out.
• A client questions our pricing? They’re trying to undermine us.

We fill in the gaps with stories, and those stories often cast others as villains. But more often than not, it’s not malice. It’s just a lack of thought. A mistake. A blind spot.

Hanlon’s Razor

*Hanlon's Razor (named after Robert J. Hanlon) advises: “Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by neglect, ignorance, or incompetence”.      

This snippet of wisdom encourages us to stop before assuming bad intent. Like its cousin, Occam’s Razor - which favours the simpler explanation - Hanlon’s Razor reminds us that what looks like sabotage is often just someone not thinking it through.

That’s a powerful thought in business, where the stakes (and egos) are often high, and where misunderstandings can take on a life of their own.

The Spiral of Assumed Malice

The consequences of assuming bad intent go well beyond a bruised ego:

• Communication breaks down: Often, it wasn’t great to begin with. Now it gets worse.
• Mental energy gets wasted: We stew. We replay. We plan responses and scheme. All of it unproductive.
• We behave worse in response: Cold shoulders, passive aggression, escalation.
• The feedback loop tightens: The other party responds in kind, confirming our suspicions.
• It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: What may have begun as oversight ends in hostility.

We see this all the time, not just in workplaces, but in everyday life. Neighbours who haven’t spoken in years, but somehow have hours to talk about each other. Petty tit-for-tat behaviours. Wild theories. Revenge plots, and sometimes 'regrettable' and costly actions.

It’s exhausting.  And entirely avoidable. 

Why Do We Think Like This? (The Psychology Bit)

It turns out our brains are a little too good at spotting danger, even when it isn’t there. Here are some of the psychological effects that are driving us to behave badly:

• Negativity Bias: We’re wired to pay more attention to threats than to neutral or positive signals.
• Fundamental Attribution Error: We assume other people’s behaviour reflects their character, not their context. (“They’re rude,” not “They’re rushed.”)
• Cognitive Dissonance:  When something doesn’t add up, our brain fills in the blanks, usually with the worst-case scenario.
• Social Identity Theory: We gravitate toward 'us vs them' thinking. It’s easier than seeing nuance.

These instincts served us well when survival depended on quickly recognising threats. But in the workplace, they just get in the way.

What It Looks Like in Business

In a business setting, these dynamics and assumptions don’t always explode dramatically, they often shows up in quieter ways:

• A colleague doesn’t respond to a message, and we assume they’re brushing us off, when in fact, they might be swamped or unsure how to reply.
• A new process is introduced without much explanation, and people decide it’s controlling or political, when perhaps it’s just unfinished thinking that hasn’t been well-communicated.
• Someone questions a long-standing practice, and it’s taken as an attack, when it might be genuine curiosity or a fresh perspective.
• A manager delegates something awkward or unclear, and the team thinks they’re trying to avoid responsibility, when they may just be uncomfortable or inexperienced.
• A team doesn’t involve another department early on, and it’s seen as turf-guarding, when they may have simply assumed the others were already in the loop.

The truth is, we often fill in the blanks, and once we do, it’s hard to un-fill them.

That’s the danger, we don’t just misinterpret a single moment, we begin building a narrative. A quiet assumption becomes a working theory … then a belief … then a reaction.

And all of it happens in our heads before we’ve had a single clarifying conversation.

What We Can Do Instead

This is where leadership comes in: first lead yourself, then lead by example of how to break the cycle:

• Assume ignorance before malice. Ask: “Is it possible they didn’t know?”
• Reach out early. “Hey, just checking in - was this intentional or a mix-up?”
• Normalise clarification. Build a culture where it’s OK to say, “I’m not sure I understood”, or “I may have misread this”.
• Model generosity of interpretation. Others will follow your lead.
• AND Most importantly:  Talk to, not about.

It sounds simple. It’s not always easy. But the results can be transformational.

Sharpening Your Razor

The next time you feel that rising suspicion, that sense that someone has done something to you ...... take a pause.

Ask yourself whether what you’re seeing might be explained by something less sinister: a misunderstanding, a lack of skill, a busy week, or someone simply not thinking.

It’s not soft. It’s strategic.

Because in the end, Hanlon’s Razor isn’t just a clever quote, it’s a leadership tool. It gives us a better starting point for problem-solving, collaboration, and trust.

And that’s a cut worth making.

Of course, they could just be out to get you! 

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Graham